October 6th, 2008

So last night really touched me. And I'm so glad it happened. My friends and I love the Jonas Brothers. and for a while now, I was feeling really crappy. Why? I don't know. But I was missing something. I was cursing (when I was mad) and I was upset with anything stupid little thing. It was extremely frustrating, being frustrated with every thing. I know how stupid that sounds but whatever. So anyway, my friend Jackie IMs me and says "JoBros are going to be on Extreme Makeover:House Edition" and I said, "really!?" so I turned it on. and from the moment it came on to the moment it was off, I could not stop crying. You know that that show always makes you cry, no matter what. and I never watch this show. but it got to me bad. and thank God it did because it opened my eyes. The little girls talked about how theyre always happy, even though they have to have everything done for them. and that everyone should always look on the bright side. and it mad me evaluate myself. I looked at myself and said, "wait, YOU have legs. YOU have a home and a JOB. YOU can DO THINGS YOURSELF and yet here YOU are COMPLAINING. what is WRONG with you?!" Like I said, I could not stop crying. And I realized how I wasn't leaning on God as much as I should have been, maybe not even at all. My priorities were ALL wrong. Now I;m on the right track, Im not saying I'm perfect because BELIEVE ME, i am far from it. But I;m on the right track. I deleted songs off of my itunes that i recently added with curse words, I started listening to good Christian Rock again, not ashamed of myself. Because last night, I asked God to come back into my heart and forgive my sins, for real. And He did. and it felt absolutely incredible. I missed this. This is me. This is how I belong, with God right by my side, guiding me through life.

"When I got tired of running from you
I stopped right there to catch my breath
There your words they caught my ears
You said, "I miss you son. Come home"
And my sins, they watched me leave
And in my heart I so believed
The love you felt for me was more than
The love I'd wished for all this time
And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told so's
I said the words I knew you knew
Oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you, I needed you"

Lord,
thank you for coming back into my heart. and I'm sorry it took me so long to change. I'm ready to make sure I never become that way again. Lead me into whatever it is you want me to do, my life is in your hands.
Love,
Your Daughter